Jeremy Kyle has worryingly become the man of my dreams

I’m not normally one for reading into dreams. I don’t believe they hold any meaning requiring a dream dictionary or indepth analysis, but over the couple of weeks I have had the same recurring dream and it’s starting to worry me slightly.

The scenario causing concern is as follows:

I am a contestant guest, what’s the word? Ah, yes, I am a participant on the Jeremy Kyle show, I’m sat, centre stage, in one of the uncomfortable looking arm chairs, and the repulsive Mr Kyle is shouting incessantly at me, in the same way he bollocks anyone daft enough to appear on his show knowing that they may have a) cheated on a partner b) knocked up their brother’s missus c) been a bad parent.

More surreally, I am aware that I am actually inside the TV, and while I have no idea why I’m there, I can see the title of the episode written backwards at the bottom corner of the screen. Every time I try to look at the title to work out what it says Kyle screams at me that I’m not looking at him when he’s talking to me. He also keeps shouting ‘WELL?’ but obviously, I have no idea what he’s asking me for. Eventually, just as I think I’ve worked out what the title of the show is I wake up.

Except on Wednesday night when he morphed into Charlie Brooker sat on his sofa a la Screenwipe, who repeatedly called me the C-word (complete with bleeps) until I woke up in a cold sweat.

I’ve had the same dream 6 times now, and while I am loathe to search for meaning in a dream, I’d just like it to cease immediately.

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