An open letter to my neighbour.

Dear Neighbour,

I completely understand that, as a responsible parent, you do not wish your offspring to be  wobbling, wheezing, truly foul specimins of the country’s child obesity problem. What I don’t get is why you persist on locking them in the 6×4 concreted area that masquerades as your garden, to stand facing the closed back door and scream like banshees for what feels like hours on end, when they clearly don’t want to be there.

They’re driving me mad.

Please desist, or I will be forced to erect a banner outside your property stating that Father Christmas doesn’t exist. At least then the little shitbags will actually have a reason to be upset.

Yours Sincerely

J

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